COVID-19 and Relationships: For Better or Worse?


Couple Walking on the Beach during sunset.
Photo by Krys Amon on Unsplash


By Olivia Wieseler, Messy Details Contributor

In mid-March, Stockton University junior Rachel Rowan moved in with Jordan Barrett, her boyfriend of then almost three months, when her Washington, D.C., internship went remote. They were planning to live together for the summer, but they weren’t expecting to take the big step so soon.

With COVID-19 shutting everything down, including Rowan’s housing arrangements through The Washington Center internship program, it was the best option for them. Rowan said that it has tested their relationship in the best way.

“Relationships could be a whole beautiful thing for, like, a year, two years, however many years, but as soon as you live with that person, it could totally change the dynamic of that relationship,” said Rowan. “So, I definitely think that it helped in a way…relationship-wise.”

Unfortunately, not all relationships in the age of the coronavirus are sitting as well as Rowan and Barrett. According to an article from The New York Post, NYC matrimonial lawyers received double the number of divorce inquiry calls during the first week of the social lockdown than they normally do. China’s uptick in its own divorce rate seemed to be a warning to other countries as people begin to emerge from lockdown.

Steve Li, a divorce lawyer at Gentle and Trust Law Firm in Shanghai told Bloomberg that he has seen his caseload increase by 25% since lockdowns were lifted in mid-March. Apparently, this has been a trend in other pandemic times. A Hong Kong study found that divorce rates increased a year after the SARS epidemic in 2002-03, over 20% higher in 2004 than in 2002.

The cause of such distress? Constant interaction.

“The more time they spent together, the more they hate each other,” Li told Bloomberg. “People need space. Not just for couples—this applies to everybody.”

Because everyone has been cooped up at home with no real escape—work is remote, restaurants are closed, entertainment has been postponed—many couples have faced the strain of spending too much time together. Without the ability to get away for a bit or even spend time with others, people can eventually get on each other’s nerves, and it can have unfortunate outcomes.

“Whatever was underlying comes to the surface,” Steamboat Springs couples counselor Colleen Clark Lay told Summit Daily. Summit Daily reported that the pandemic could either improve relationships or cause them to suffer.

In Psychology Today, Dr. Marty Nemko acknowledged the rising divorce rates. He provided some tips for troubled relationships to try out before throwing in the hat, including finding ways to spend less time with each other.

This is what seemed to help Rowan and her boyfriend, who are both avid gamers. “We’re in the same room, but it’s not like [we] stand next to each other the entire time,” Rowan said. “He does his own thing. I do my own thing.” Of course, it also helps that Barrett works in retail, a job deemed essential during this pandemic. With him out of the house more often, they’ve been able to balance their time together and apart.

On the other side of this pandemic romance equation are the couples who have been forced to remain separated for so long. When universities closed and classes were moved online, Iowa college students Zach Hess and Hannah Perry had to move back to their respective homes, hours away from each other. But this did not dampen their relationship.

“Hannah and I have been handling the distance well,” said Hess, who had originally planned to intern in Los Angeles this summer. Because of COVID-19, the internship did not go through, but it has allowed him to remain closer to Perry. They have been visiting every few weekends since April.

As it turns out, Hess/Perry and Rowan/Barrett could actually be hope for relationships to endure the pandemic and possibly come out the other side stronger than before. A recent Monmouth University poll actually found that 92% of Americans in a romantic relationship are either extremely satisfied or very satisfied with their relationship. It also reported that any “outbreak-related change” in the relationship was more often positive rather than negative.

Gary Lewandowski, a psychology professor at Monmouth University who helped conduct the research, told The Washington Post that while the pandemic has induced a lot of stress for many, most people turn to their partners in times of stress.

“Overall, these results suggest that the global pandemic may not be as bad for relationships as many have feared. Instead, it seems similar to what research showed following 9/11,” said Lewandowski in the poll’s press release. “Our relationships may become stronger and even more important than they already were.”

For our two couples, that seems to be the case. Hess and Perry are looking forward to some lifted restrictions by planning a road trip to the Black Hills in South Dakota some time in June. And for Rowan and Barrett, coronavirus seems to have only helped them progress in their relationship.

“If anything, it’s prepared us for a lot of, I guess, future movements in the relationship. It’s had a lot of progression,” Rowan said. “It’s helped us to mature and kind of understand each other.”



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